We learn as we grow up about sin, about doing what's right & what's wrong & about the consequences if we choose wrong. We watch the news, read the paper & see the results of wrong choices. If you've ever watched COPS or any other reality police show, you see what happens to bad decisions.
Despite all we know, all we learn, all we witness, we continue to make bad choices. It's hard to understand or explain when someone we know makes bad decisions. The worse part is when it's televised & it seems the topic every where you turn. The TV news, newspaper, dinner time talk, it's a constant reminder.
You hear familiar comments & statements like "oh man, I've known him forever - no way", "what? are you kidding me?", "I won't believe it until I hear it from his own mouth", "if it's in the news, then it's true", and the time comes & you really do hear the truth from the individual, it makes it real. But, then you have to process all what you hear, what you know to be the truth, and decide where you stand in your mind & heart for the individual.
We're all sinners, we come in this world with sin - but the choices we make are of our own choosing. When we make bad choices, we have to face the consequences. When you're a public individual, you are out there for people to make rash statements & be on constant scrutiny of the public. Make one wrong move & you're nailed to the wall.
I can't excuse or explain choices & decisions of others, but I have to search my own heart & mind and base my reasoning on the person I've known long before the media came into the situation. When you sin, it causes a ripple effect among people - friends, family, and acquaintances. Everyone takes on a part of it, you bear it as a friend, family member, co-worker, and you bear it being a part of a community. Follow your heart, remember what you know, not what you hear, listen with your heart, seek understanding & give forgiveness.
"He that is among you with no sin, cast the first stone." John 8:7
Personally, I know no one on this Earth without sin. My Heavenly Father is sinless, I'll leave the judgment to him.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
What makes a survivor?
Someone made a comment recently about something I had written on Facebook and commented I wrote like a survivor. So I decided to write "what makes a survivor?"
In life we're dealt situations, I prefer to call them challenges, and we learn through these circumstances, hopefully come out ahead and with experience. When I was growing up, the statistics for divorce was 1 out of 10. Now, 1 out of 2 marriages end in divorce. I've been divorced twice, so I guess I'm worse then the statistics in that regard. I survived divorced, survived raising my kids, and going through the trials and tribulations of dealing with cancer twice. I feel being strong in your beliefs, being firm in Christ, can get you through any situation in life and you come out a survivor by necessity.
A survivor is one that knows no matter what is going on around them - they have to keep going. People, whether friends or family, are depending on us to make it - to be all we can be - to do all we can do - and to prove to themselves and others, we can do it.
What makes a survivor? One that despite the pitfalls, the valleys, and the moments that seemed hopeless, they continually climb that mountain and know that once they reach the top, they've made it, they have survived can do anything. There's a song on the radio about the climb to the mountain. And in reality, that's what surviving is all about - it's about the climb, the obstacles you go through in life, and about reaching the top.
Surviving is knowing when you look in that mirror you know you are at the top of your game, you feel as though you can accomplish anything in life. Stay focused, stay strong, listen to your heart, and keep your eyes on Jesus and you can survive anything in this world.
When you're feeling down, feeling blue, feeling discouraged, just remember that in life we have challenges, and they will test us - but with God on your side - anything and everything is possible.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Living with Dementia
In life things will come at us that we have no control and/or no answers. We face situations everyday in life, we plan our lives, and we map out our strategies as we plan our future. There are times we hit dead end streets, road blocks and detours. We have to roll with the flow, learn to carry emergency equipment (phone numbers of friends, Bible & even a passenger or two), as we learn we can’t do it on our own no matter how hard we try. Life doesn’t give us guarantees, but it does give us a roadmap.
When you deal with a family member going through some major changes in life, it affects the entire family. If its health related, it can take a toll on everyone. There will be times you have to make decisions. There are no right answers; there are only situations you have to come to grips with as you make decisions. Not everyone is going to be pleased or satisfied, but you must do what you feel is best with the knowledge & information you have to present.
I worked as a Social Worker, dealing with advanced aging, Dementia and Alzheimer. When you deal with people outside your family, it’s a different matter. In dealing with a family member going through Dementia, your training & knowledge goes out the window. You see a different side of it. I’m learning a whole different process & learning there are things I didn’t know before. You have to weigh the options, decide what’s best & go forward.
God and I are having many conversations daily, as I remind myself of what’s going on & what’s about to come about. I don’t know if I can handle all that is coming my way, but I know God can. So the days I feel overwhelmed & the days I really need answers fast, I know God is my refuge & I know God sends people into my life to be of assistance. I just need to remind myself to let them assist, let them help & I need to remember I’m not alone in this world.
I’m human, I do have meltdowns, I do have days I question myself – I believe that’s normal. There are days I don’t understand & days I feel I’m at a standstill. I believe God never gives us more than we can handle. As someone recently told me, they feel God must feel I’m really strong – I guess so, because I feel at times I’m at a tennis court practicing my swing & the balls are coming at me with record speed. I pray I hit a few & pray I dodge a few & know that God is protecting me from the ones coming at me I don’t see.
Some of my favorite verses come from Psalms, I carried with me a list of scriptures when I was going through various testing for Cancer years ago & it gave me hope.
Psalms 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”
Psalms 62:8 “Trust in him at all times. Pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us.”
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Go Play Awhile
When you're 9, you can't wait until your age becomes "double digits", then you can't wait until you finally turn a teen at 13. The days creep by as you wait for 16 to get your driver's license (was 15 back in my day), and then finally graduation at 17 & counting the days until you're in College! As the days go on and on, you can't wait for college graduation to get a job, live your life, have your own place, stay up as late as you want, party all you want, and be an adult and have no one tell you what to do / when to do / how to do it.
Then you realize with that job comes a schedule, you have to be at work at a certain time, lunch is at a designated hour and you get off at the same time every day, five days a week, you go home stressed, tired & wondering is this what life is about. Then you meet the love of your life, get married, start having kids & you look back and say ... wow - where have the years gone.
Kids grow up, move out, some stay married, some divorce and one day you wake up and realize and there are days you wish you were still 9 with only chores to do, no bills to pay, no mortgage, no life situations, just living your life at 9. As a middle age adult, you have responsibilities you never imagined, whether it's carrying for an elderly parent, being a grandparent, and just dealing with daily situations and events of life.
The things you know at 49 compared to 9, is as vast as the open sea. Your mind seems cluttered at times with all the details, appointments, and daily stress of just making it through the day. In my world, the things that can take all the craziness away is stopping & thanking God for my blessings in life, my health, my family & knowing that God promises us He'll never leave us or forsake us, he's in it for the long haul.
I'm thankful for days with my grandchildren, they teach you humility, to return to the simple things of life - whether it's sitting on the steps & blowing bubbles, watching two squirrels play, picking up rocks & throwing them in the pond or even sitting in the grass and making a clover necklace.
So the next time life seems overwhelming & out of control. Stop, thank God & go play awhile. Children are a reminder of how life should be, carefree, simple and trusting. Trust in the one who put is in this world; trust in His guidance and His love.
Then you realize with that job comes a schedule, you have to be at work at a certain time, lunch is at a designated hour and you get off at the same time every day, five days a week, you go home stressed, tired & wondering is this what life is about. Then you meet the love of your life, get married, start having kids & you look back and say ... wow - where have the years gone.
Kids grow up, move out, some stay married, some divorce and one day you wake up and realize and there are days you wish you were still 9 with only chores to do, no bills to pay, no mortgage, no life situations, just living your life at 9. As a middle age adult, you have responsibilities you never imagined, whether it's carrying for an elderly parent, being a grandparent, and just dealing with daily situations and events of life.
The things you know at 49 compared to 9, is as vast as the open sea. Your mind seems cluttered at times with all the details, appointments, and daily stress of just making it through the day. In my world, the things that can take all the craziness away is stopping & thanking God for my blessings in life, my health, my family & knowing that God promises us He'll never leave us or forsake us, he's in it for the long haul.
I'm thankful for days with my grandchildren, they teach you humility, to return to the simple things of life - whether it's sitting on the steps & blowing bubbles, watching two squirrels play, picking up rocks & throwing them in the pond or even sitting in the grass and making a clover necklace.
So the next time life seems overwhelming & out of control. Stop, thank God & go play awhile. Children are a reminder of how life should be, carefree, simple and trusting. Trust in the one who put is in this world; trust in His guidance and His love.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
A Big Heart
The world lost a man Friday with a heart of gold. I first met Ernie Cauthen when I was in high school. He was married to his high school sweetheart, Glenda. At that point in my life, I didn't realize what an impact this couple would have in my life & how 28 yrs later I'd be working with him.
We even took a church ski trip together & due to rough conditions, we rode on a toboggan while ski patrol skied us down the mountain at a breakneck speed. I just remember holding on for my dear life & praying we would end up at the bottom of the mountain in one piece. Our lives would intertwine over the years, as Ernie began work at my dad's elevator business. Over the years, it was "Ernie can fix this, Ernie can do that, Ernie can come over & look at it, let me call Ernie, have you called Ernie & Ernie is on his way".
He designed & built my kitchen almost 10 yrs ago. Some people asked, "Why are you letting him design it" and I replied, he's done this so many times - he knows what I need & how to build it. He built it to last, built it to stay & built it right.
To even recall all he's done for my family, would entail writing a book. The time's he fixed flats, fixed a leaking sink, fixed an outlet/wall switch, jumped a car off, helped paint rooms, helped remodel houses, worked extra hours, endless weekends, cut grass, swept, cleaned, the list can go on and on and on. Two weeks ago my dryer quit, who did I call ? Ernie of course. He told me exactly what to check - I didn't believe it would make my dryer work - but it did. There was a piece of string keeping the dryer door connecting to the latch & once I removed it - poof - magic - the dryer worked.
I'm going to miss hearing him come down the hall, teasingly ask me when my phone rings "Is that your latest boyfriend? You know you can tell me - what's his name, what does he do, is he a Christian & does he treat you right". He always worried about me, worried that I'd meet another wrong one, & always wanted me to find a good one. I know that if I could find a perfect guy - I'd want one like the Ernie I knew & loved.
Four years ago when my mom was in the hospital, Glenda & Ernie were right there. They were at the hospital constantly, checking in on all of us, showing us love, support & doing so much for us. When my mom was going to come home from the hospital, they were the first I called to ask if they could come help us get the house ready. They came over to help clean, paint, & get the room ready. They were there the next day when my mom left this earth for her heavenly home. They were there at the house to receive guests, family, friends & to just be such steady rocks when our lives seemed to be at such a loss. Whenever there was a loss or need, Glenda showed up with a basket of goodies & Ernie had the coolers full of ice & drinks.
Today at my dad's looking at all the destruction around us from the tornado, my dad said "I don't know what to do, but I know if Ernie was here - I could just call him & he would know what to do". That is so true & so many times today, I wished I could have dialed his #, heard his voice say "what can I do to help". He should have been called "Mr Fix It" because there wasn't much he couldn't fix or build.
We played cards together, laughed together, cried together, talked about old times, fun times, the good, the bad, all about life, kids, grandkids & work. I'm glad for the all times we've shared, glad this past Thursday we chatted before he left the office for the last time. He was excited as always, about going to Arkansas to visit his son, daughter-in-law & newest grandson. I said as always, "have fun & take lots of pictures". He said have a good weekend - see you on Monday.
When I say this man had a Big Heart - he was a Godly man, a man that didn't mind carrying his wife's packages or even her purse. He enjoyed getting up on a cold winter morning - starting a fire in the fireplace for her, making her coffee & bringing it to her in bed. He was about doing for others - more than for himself. He was about laughter, he was about loving his kids / grandkids / especially his wife. To know him was to know he was a dependable man, a man with a heart of gold, & a man with a love of God.
He's not a man that we can replace, not even at work. He's not a man that liked to be idle, he liked doing. But he did have one vice that he loved to do - he enjoyed solitaire & enjoyed coming into my office to tell me he had won the game.
Well ... the game for him in life on this earth has come to an end - I know heaven is celebrating with having him there & knowing my mom, she's already showed him all around. They're sitting around - drinking coffee, swapping stories, showing pictures of the kids, grandkids, talking about work, listening to the big choir in heaven & enjoying their day.
Thank you God for sharing with us this man with a Big Heart, for letting us have him for a while & letting him touch our lives & hearts in such a strong & positive way. "BIG E" - we're going to miss you so much - the world won't be the same, but we know you're okay & we'll be okay as well. Thank you for being my friend, my big brother in Christ & for always being there. We'll watch over your family, & we'll be there for them like you've always been there for us.
We even took a church ski trip together & due to rough conditions, we rode on a toboggan while ski patrol skied us down the mountain at a breakneck speed. I just remember holding on for my dear life & praying we would end up at the bottom of the mountain in one piece. Our lives would intertwine over the years, as Ernie began work at my dad's elevator business. Over the years, it was "Ernie can fix this, Ernie can do that, Ernie can come over & look at it, let me call Ernie, have you called Ernie & Ernie is on his way".
He designed & built my kitchen almost 10 yrs ago. Some people asked, "Why are you letting him design it" and I replied, he's done this so many times - he knows what I need & how to build it. He built it to last, built it to stay & built it right.
To even recall all he's done for my family, would entail writing a book. The time's he fixed flats, fixed a leaking sink, fixed an outlet/wall switch, jumped a car off, helped paint rooms, helped remodel houses, worked extra hours, endless weekends, cut grass, swept, cleaned, the list can go on and on and on. Two weeks ago my dryer quit, who did I call ? Ernie of course. He told me exactly what to check - I didn't believe it would make my dryer work - but it did. There was a piece of string keeping the dryer door connecting to the latch & once I removed it - poof - magic - the dryer worked.
I'm going to miss hearing him come down the hall, teasingly ask me when my phone rings "Is that your latest boyfriend? You know you can tell me - what's his name, what does he do, is he a Christian & does he treat you right". He always worried about me, worried that I'd meet another wrong one, & always wanted me to find a good one. I know that if I could find a perfect guy - I'd want one like the Ernie I knew & loved.
Four years ago when my mom was in the hospital, Glenda & Ernie were right there. They were at the hospital constantly, checking in on all of us, showing us love, support & doing so much for us. When my mom was going to come home from the hospital, they were the first I called to ask if they could come help us get the house ready. They came over to help clean, paint, & get the room ready. They were there the next day when my mom left this earth for her heavenly home. They were there at the house to receive guests, family, friends & to just be such steady rocks when our lives seemed to be at such a loss. Whenever there was a loss or need, Glenda showed up with a basket of goodies & Ernie had the coolers full of ice & drinks.
Today at my dad's looking at all the destruction around us from the tornado, my dad said "I don't know what to do, but I know if Ernie was here - I could just call him & he would know what to do". That is so true & so many times today, I wished I could have dialed his #, heard his voice say "what can I do to help". He should have been called "Mr Fix It" because there wasn't much he couldn't fix or build.
We played cards together, laughed together, cried together, talked about old times, fun times, the good, the bad, all about life, kids, grandkids & work. I'm glad for the all times we've shared, glad this past Thursday we chatted before he left the office for the last time. He was excited as always, about going to Arkansas to visit his son, daughter-in-law & newest grandson. I said as always, "have fun & take lots of pictures". He said have a good weekend - see you on Monday.
When I say this man had a Big Heart - he was a Godly man, a man that didn't mind carrying his wife's packages or even her purse. He enjoyed getting up on a cold winter morning - starting a fire in the fireplace for her, making her coffee & bringing it to her in bed. He was about doing for others - more than for himself. He was about laughter, he was about loving his kids / grandkids / especially his wife. To know him was to know he was a dependable man, a man with a heart of gold, & a man with a love of God.
He's not a man that we can replace, not even at work. He's not a man that liked to be idle, he liked doing. But he did have one vice that he loved to do - he enjoyed solitaire & enjoyed coming into my office to tell me he had won the game.
Well ... the game for him in life on this earth has come to an end - I know heaven is celebrating with having him there & knowing my mom, she's already showed him all around. They're sitting around - drinking coffee, swapping stories, showing pictures of the kids, grandkids, talking about work, listening to the big choir in heaven & enjoying their day.
Thank you God for sharing with us this man with a Big Heart, for letting us have him for a while & letting him touch our lives & hearts in such a strong & positive way. "BIG E" - we're going to miss you so much - the world won't be the same, but we know you're okay & we'll be okay as well. Thank you for being my friend, my big brother in Christ & for always being there. We'll watch over your family, & we'll be there for them like you've always been there for us.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Hope for tomorrow
We all look to the events of the day to wonder how things will be tomorrow. Sometimes the happiness of today carries over to the happiness of tomorrow. Sadness has a way of entering our lives regardless of what is going on around us.
I remember the day of my mom's funeral. I had taken my dog outside before going over to the church. I was standing outside watching the cars past by, wondering where they were going, what they were thinking and if they were aware of things around them. Everything had progressed so fast the last couple of days, that I felt I needed time to stop a moment so I could just catch up. I needed that moment to just absorb all my thoughts and try to make sense of things in my life.
We hear of tragedies every day, loss of life, loss of property, countries at war, innocent people captured & killed, and we feel we need to try and make sense of it, understand it, and try to process it. Life waits on no one, there is no way to make time stand still, there is no way to go back and "redo" an action or emotion, there is no way to stop things from happening.
I remember the moment my doctor told me I had cancer, I don't think I even processed it or took time to realize what that meant - I went into overdrive, thinking of all the things I needed to get done, and prepare others for it - instead of myself. Surgery - check, treatments - check, follow up appointments - check, return to work - check. Next? The second time I had cancer it was different. It felt as though I had been punched in the stomach, I wasn't prepared, wasn't ready & felt someone had forgotten to give me the script. But, the same occurred. Surgery - check, return to work pronto - check, treatments - check, and life continued.
I don't deny I was blessed, given a 2nd chance, given an opportunity to do better, be better & live better. Have I done all of that? At times I have, then there are times - I've failed. There are times at night I have regrets, wishing I had said something different, done it different, lived it different and reacted differently.
I can't change the person I am, but I can change the way I react, the way I speak & the reactions I give to others. There are times I admire people that seem to have it all together - all of the time. Maybe they don't really and it's all a facade. But maybe they do & they're the example of how the rest of us want to be or should be. But I am me - that's why God made me - to be me. Not to say I can't or shouldn't improve, but I am who I am.
I know you know the people I'm referring to - they have the seemingly perfect life, perfect kids, perfect house, perfect pets, & everything just seems so right. Well, my life isn't perfect. I have a crazy dog, I have a mean cat, my kids aren't perfect, I'm not perfect & my house isn't perfect. I love my life - love my kids - love my pets and love the fact that each day - is a new day for hope. Hope to do better, live better, be better & love more.
Is there hope for tomorrow? I believe so - if we make the best of today, do more for each other, pray for one another and encourage one another.
I remember the day of my mom's funeral. I had taken my dog outside before going over to the church. I was standing outside watching the cars past by, wondering where they were going, what they were thinking and if they were aware of things around them. Everything had progressed so fast the last couple of days, that I felt I needed time to stop a moment so I could just catch up. I needed that moment to just absorb all my thoughts and try to make sense of things in my life.
We hear of tragedies every day, loss of life, loss of property, countries at war, innocent people captured & killed, and we feel we need to try and make sense of it, understand it, and try to process it. Life waits on no one, there is no way to make time stand still, there is no way to go back and "redo" an action or emotion, there is no way to stop things from happening.
I remember the moment my doctor told me I had cancer, I don't think I even processed it or took time to realize what that meant - I went into overdrive, thinking of all the things I needed to get done, and prepare others for it - instead of myself. Surgery - check, treatments - check, follow up appointments - check, return to work - check. Next? The second time I had cancer it was different. It felt as though I had been punched in the stomach, I wasn't prepared, wasn't ready & felt someone had forgotten to give me the script. But, the same occurred. Surgery - check, return to work pronto - check, treatments - check, and life continued.
I don't deny I was blessed, given a 2nd chance, given an opportunity to do better, be better & live better. Have I done all of that? At times I have, then there are times - I've failed. There are times at night I have regrets, wishing I had said something different, done it different, lived it different and reacted differently.
I can't change the person I am, but I can change the way I react, the way I speak & the reactions I give to others. There are times I admire people that seem to have it all together - all of the time. Maybe they don't really and it's all a facade. But maybe they do & they're the example of how the rest of us want to be or should be. But I am me - that's why God made me - to be me. Not to say I can't or shouldn't improve, but I am who I am.
I know you know the people I'm referring to - they have the seemingly perfect life, perfect kids, perfect house, perfect pets, & everything just seems so right. Well, my life isn't perfect. I have a crazy dog, I have a mean cat, my kids aren't perfect, I'm not perfect & my house isn't perfect. I love my life - love my kids - love my pets and love the fact that each day - is a new day for hope. Hope to do better, live better, be better & love more.
Is there hope for tomorrow? I believe so - if we make the best of today, do more for each other, pray for one another and encourage one another.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)