I believe in being optimistic in life about situations, events, and day-to-day trying times. I try to live in the present, not dwell too much on the past & try not to look too far ahead. My sister battled breast cancer for over 14 years, three different times & two different types of breast cancer. The last 3-4 years I wondered a lot about what she was feeling, thinking, and where her mindset was on beating it.
When you are an outsider (non-cancerous) person, it's easy to say or comment what YOU would do if you were in that position or situation. Being a cancer person in 2004, 2005 and now 2013, I have an even more understanding of my sister and what she went through in her fight.
As the months past, even years past and you've reached a plateau of "no cancer", you start to relax, and feel normal again. You skip along in life, smelling the flowers on occasion and going back to the "norm" of being normal.
In February of this year when I received confirmation my cancer had returned, there were a lot of feelings and emotions. First and foremost, you have to be brave, put on your armor of strength & courage. It had been less than a year since losing my sister, I ached more for my family and friends, than I did for myself. I hated having to put them through this again, because the wounds & feelings were still so fresh from my sister's passing.
My first thoughts were "I'm not ready to leave my boys" and then my thoughts were, how will my kids and family go through this so soon. None of us know when our time on earth is done & when it's time to move to our new heavenly home. When you're diagnosed with a disease that at times has an agenda and time factor, you look at things differently than a "non-cancerous" person. It's so easy for people to say "just pray about it - don't worry", "turn it over to God", and "everything will be okay". Will it really be okay or is it my time to leave this earth and say goodbye to the people I love?
I'm here for a reason, sometimes I laugh and wonder what I'm here for ... but I know God's not finished with me yet. If it hadn't been for a feeling of something not right last summer, and then having reflux problems starting in November and finally contacting my doctor in January - I'm not sure what my prognosis would have been - but ... I'm here.
No matter who you are, your position in life, your followers, your family and friends - it's hard hearing those words "I'm sorry, it's cancer". I'll admit, I was ticked off - starting thinking, it's not fair. But then I know I'd rather it be me, than one of my family members. I've been through it before, I know what to expect - but I do look forward to the day when the only cancer you hear, is cancer you research on line. I look forward to the day when a pill or shot cures it all. Until then, we fight, we smile, we pray & we believe.
As a cancer person, I can tell you from my point of it - let the person talk, let them express themselves & let them even express anger if needed. It's better to express it, than to hold it inside. I choose to believe God has a plan for me, maybe telling me AGAIN ... to really STOP & smell the roses & never take anything in life for granted again.
