My pet ...

Do you ever wonder why people carry on conversations with animals as though they can completely understand what's being said to them? I really think my dog understands most of what I say. He sleeps in a dog bed, but it's on my bed. He goes walking with me, rides in a dog car seat, and goes to work with me. He has such a hard life lol.

I never thought I'd be "one of those people", with a dog. But Char is smart! He knows the names of my kids, he knows what it means when I say "it's time to go to work", "do you need to go outside", "it's time to go to bed", and his favorite is "where's Pumpkin?" Pumpkin is my 16 year old cat, that until having Char in his life, lived a life of freedom inside my house. Thanks to doggie gates, he does have areas he can escape to and hide from Char the Terror. Due to Pumpkin's age, he's now given in and allows Char to lick his ears, and occasionally you can hear a purr.

My dog is my protection, he may only be 12 pounds of fur, but he has a keen eye and a sharp bark if he senses trouble. He makes sure that stray cats & squirrels are aware of his presence. I also trust Char's judgment of my dates, there have been a few he didn't like and he was so right in that area! One guy suggested it was him or the dog, well - obviously Char won that fight lol. I don't dress Char in outfits or with bows, he's just a dog (but don't tell him he's only a dog - he thinks he is more than that).

A few months after I got Char, my mom went in the hospital for almost two weeks. She was able to come home for a few hours and I was up at her house with Char. He jumped up on her hospital bed, she turned and said "there's the crazy dog". I think that's something I'll never forget, because it wasn't too long after that she started to leave us. Within a few hours we were back at the hospital for the last time but the memory of her remembering how crazy Char really is - will stay with me forever.

Yea he is crazy at times, but he makes me laugh, listens to my crazy stories, and he forces me to go walking with him. My den is full of doggy toys & chew toys, but life without Char wouldn't be the same. He's waiting for me when I come home from a date, to listen to my tales of how it went, and how I vent about things in my life. He may not have a vocal opinion, but he does seem to listen.

He may be a little crazy - but he's my crazy dog, Charcoal.

Just Wondering Why ....

There's a subject we rarely discuss, we whisper it in secret, we wonder, we ponder, but yet we never have the answers. Probably anyone reading this blog has been touched in some way by this subject, either by a family member, a friend, an acquaintance, co-worker, or a neighbor - the subject is Suicide.

I don't claim to have all the answers, all the truths, and all the knowledge. But personally it's had a bearing on my life. I started thinking tonight the number of people I've known that have chosen this act for whatever reason or cause. After thinking for several minutes, I realized it's touched me more than I have realized. I then ask myself, have we failed as friends, neighbors, acquaintances, family, or whatever our connection is to the person? I think us all experience situations in our lives that maybe we don't feel we know how to handle: whether it's a spat with a friend, a broken heart, or just an act of desperation. No matter the reason, no matter the why - the person is feeling there is no other way. I think we as a community, as a city, as a county, as a state, as a country, and as a world - we all need to step up to the plate. The whys after the fact follow us forever; we each question ourselves and ask ourselves could we have done more.

I was about 21-22 when I first heard of a suicide that I can remember. I was renting a house and painting a room when I received the phone call. My mom called to tell me the news; it was a family friend that had cancer. If I had been given a line up and asked to pick someone that might do it - he would have never been my choice. But he was going through cancer at the time, the outlook wasn't good, and I'm sure he felt at the time it was his only option. I really don't know what he was thinking, or if it was just an act of desperation. I know what I felt. I felt shock and disbelief. I thought of his family and how they must be hurting.

There is a scripture that comes to mind, Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest". My heart goes out to those that have dealt with a loss due to suicide. You should feel no blame or guilt. I believe it’s a choice that we might never understand, an act made out of desperation, an act of misunderstanding, and act of fear of facing whatever is causing the pain. Sometimes it's hard to see what's right in front of us because we're too close to the person or situation. Sometimes people sit in judgment and say "I never would do that", but we don't know the thoughts of that person, the pain they were experiencing, and the problem they felt had no solution. If we've never had to experience their life, then we have no clue how we would react.

I do hope that if anything can come out of just posting a blog, that if anyone is thinking the thought, contemplating it, or have considered it - that they will reach out and ask for help. Sometimes we just don't know what to do, but having someone to listen; someone to just be there can make all the difference in the world. I do know personally those left behind are hurting. I know no matter how much time passes they still ask why, they still place blame on themselves, and still reflect on why they didn't see the signs. There comes a time where the blame game has to stop, there has to be healing, there has to be forgiveness, and we have to just let go and let God.

There is a song by Rich Mullins called "Awesome God" the chorus is "our God is an awesome God. He reigns from heaven above with wisdom, power, and love. Our God is an awesome God". So often we just sing the chorus, but the verses to this song are powerful as well.

To the families, friends, and acquaintances that have experienced a loss from suicide, just know that prayers and thoughts are with you and know that we ask God to give you comfort, understanding and peace.