Do You Measure Up?

No one ever wants to admit a problem exists or that someone you know actually has an eating disorder whether it's Bulimia or Anorexia.  It's one of the family secrets or skeletons in the closet you shut the door & don't discuss.

Reality is, problems exist.  We live in a world where our expectations sometimes outweigh the reality.  Growing up in a home where weight was a constant issue & discussion, it's on your mind 24/7.  When I look back at photographs, I see a thin person.  The reality of the situation was, anything over 130 was considered "fat".

As I got older, I did start to gain weight - I was aware of it, worked out & tried to make healthy eating decisions.  Constantly I was told by a family member I needed to lose weight & that's all I could hear in my head.  I remember my mom taking me shopping for clothes when I entered my freshman year at College.  When we came home, we were grilled on what "size" I was now wearing.  I had gone from a 9/10 to a 11/13.  This person was appalled I had gotten so "big".  This is around the time I started being Bulimic.  I had to be "perfect" and eating wasn't the answer in my mind.  I think I was a combination of being Anorexic & Bulimic.  If one didn't work, I'd try the other. 

I always felt I didn't measure up & had something to prove.  I ended up not being me, not knowing what direction to go in & constantly feeling like a failure.  I think kids have it even worse today, since Hollywood has so much more influence on size, looks & attitude.  But be yourself, tell your self everyday you are beautiful & if someone thinks you aren't, then they don't deserve to be in your life.

The pressures continue to haunt me as the words Fat Azz B.... is thrown in my face even as an adult by the same person that ridiculed me for not being less that 130 as a young adult.  I no longer have a Bulimic or Anorexic problem, but knowing I still don't "measure up" still haunts me at times.  I do try to watch what I eat and exercise daily, but I know I'll never be "perfect" to some people unless I'm at the 130 or less mark.

I am who I am ... cancer survivor x 3, and taking chemo pills to keep the cancer away. The side affects are increased appetite and weight gain - kinda hard to fight it at times, but I'd rather be cancer free.

Be an encourager to a person, it goes a lot longer in making a change for the better.  Don't measure a person's worth by their size, no one in this world is perfect.  Be you - be happy with you, & be happy in knowing God loves you unconditionally.  I'm happy being me, happy I am a survivor.

I choose to believe

I believe in being optimistic in life about situations, events, and day-to-day trying times.  I try to live in the present, not dwell too much on the past & try not to look too far ahead.  My sister battled breast cancer for over 14 years, three different times & two different types of breast cancer.  The last 3-4 years I wondered a lot about what she was feeling, thinking, and where her mindset was on beating it.

When you are an outsider (non-cancerous) person, it's easy to say or comment what YOU would do if you were in that position or situation.  Being a cancer person in 2004, 2005 and now 2013, I have an even more understanding of my sister and what she went through in her fight.

As the months past, even years past and you've reached a plateau of "no cancer", you start to relax, and feel normal again.  You skip along in life, smelling the flowers on occasion and going back to the "norm" of being normal.

In February of this year when I received confirmation my cancer had returned, there were a lot of feelings and emotions.  First and foremost, you have to  be brave, put on your armor of strength & courage.  It had been less than a year since losing my sister, I ached more for my family and friends, than I did for myself.  I hated having to put them through this again, because the wounds & feelings were still so fresh from my sister's passing.

My first thoughts were "I'm not ready to leave my boys" and then my thoughts were, how will my kids and family go through this so soon.  None of us know when our time on earth is done & when it's time to move to our new heavenly home.  When you're diagnosed with a disease that at times has an agenda and time factor, you look at things differently than a "non-cancerous" person.  It's so easy for people to say "just pray about it - don't worry", "turn it over to God", and "everything will be okay".  Will it really be okay or is it my time to leave this earth and say goodbye to the people I love?

I'm here for a reason, sometimes I laugh and wonder what I'm here for ... but I know God's not finished with me yet.  If it hadn't been for a feeling of something not right last summer, and then having reflux problems starting in November and finally contacting my doctor in January - I'm not sure what my prognosis would have been - but ... I'm here.

No matter who you are, your position in life, your followers, your family and friends  -  it's hard hearing those words "I'm sorry, it's cancer".  I'll admit, I was ticked off - starting thinking, it's not fair.  But then I know I'd rather it be me, than one of my family members.  I've been through it before, I know what to expect - but I do look forward to the day when the only cancer you hear, is cancer you research on line.  I look forward to the day when a pill or shot cures it all.  Until then, we fight, we smile, we pray & we believe.

As a cancer person, I can tell you from my point of it - let the person talk, let them express themselves & let them even express anger if needed.  It's better to express it, than to hold it inside.  I choose to believe God has a plan for me, maybe telling me AGAIN ... to really STOP & smell the roses & never take anything in life for granted again. 

Third Time's A Charm

No one wakes up & says "I'd like to have cancer".  After being in remission for 8 years, you feel you're okay & feel no worries of it reoccurring and you live life as though you're okay.

In late 2004, I had this "feeling" something was't right, but knew I had a CT in a couple of weeks, so I waited.  A few months ago, this "feeling" returned.  I made an appointment with my doctor for a reflux issue & am glad he was proactive & ordered tests.   Getting the phone call confirming & hearing the news the cancer had returned, I felt empowered I would be okay.   "You have nothing to fear, but fear itself."

The last couple of days, I've felt the need to comfort my family & friends as I've shared my news.  I've gone to church all my life & have heard all my life "trust in God".  If I don't believe this - then what hope is there in this world?

God has seen me through Stage IV in 2004, return of cancer in 2005 & a pulmonary embolism in May 2005 which was from surgery 4 months earlier.  I'm here for a reason, God has carried me through so much & will continue to be my hope & strength.

God never gives or allows us to go through more than we can bear, I guess he sees something in me that at times I don't see.  My faith & trust is in Him & I know He sees the "big picture" and He knows the end result in all of us.

Stay positive, don't be sad - because I'm not, I need positive reinforcement around me, prayers for strength & prayers on healing. Don't falter in your beliefs & faith, because I need your strength & support & all the prayers you can share.  God is bigger & more powerful than anything we face, and He is in control of all things in our lives.

I read a book that emphasized the "A, B, C, D" plan.  A - ask for what God wants for us in our lives, live in harmony with his plan. B - believe.  Believe in yourself & believe those around you will support & love you.  Surround yourself with believers. C -commit. Do what you believe.  D - do something about it.

Philippians 4:13 "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength".
Hebrews 13:5 "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you".

We all have trials & tribulations here on earth. How we face these challenges will show our faith & trust in God.

Be okay, cause I am okay.  If God is for us, who can be against us?

Footprints On My Heart

As we create memories, there are footprints left on our heart to lead us, guide us & remind us of those moments. In life we experience sadness, death, birthday celebrations, school events, & news stories and the birth of a child to make us laugh & cry as well.

In losing a loved one, it's the time when footprints become more pronounced in our heart. Our thoughts flash back to special moments, laughter & remarks we remember. For a while, our tears flow more often because of the loss we feel here on earth. In time, the tears are less and we laugh more as the "remember when" thoughts take over conversations.

My footprints on my heart are times I remember with my grandfather, grandmother, mom & my sister. My grandfather taught me not to say “look at those cows out there”. He said you never know if there’s a bull out there & you will insult him if you don’t include him. So instead say “look at the cattle. My grandmother had a pie plate with a cover shaped like meringue and on top of it was a Hersey Kiss. She told me she saved a lot of Hersey Kiss bags to send in to get her pie plate & cover. I still can taste her chocolate pie - especially around the holidays.

My mother could plant anything & it would grow. She also spent many hours cutting out patterns to sew outfits for us and our Barbie dolls. I miss my mom’s dressing she made at Thanksgiving, no one makes it like she did – some have come close, but it’s just not the same. My mom had a smile that reached her eyes and I miss our daily conversations.

My sister, one of my best friends, you always knew what she thought – because if not, wait a moment & she would tell you. She was sarcastic at times but it was funny, and loved playing cards & board games. When technology took over, she became addicted to her Iphone & Ipad. Hayes was her first grandson & it was soon obvious he had her wrapped around his finger. Battling cancer, she never complained & she inspires me still in everything that life throws my way.

I’m thankful for those leaving footprints on my heart; sometimes those we meet in life leave a few & some leave a lifetime of memories. We all need to take time to remember, smile & even at times to share a few tears as reflect upon the footprints left behind. Each day we should be creating Footprints of Love to those around us to be remembered & cherished.

Cancer? What's that?

I dream of the day Cancer becomes a distant memory just as Small Pox. A day when a vaccine cures all and sends the word Cancer to the archives of life.

Cancer is rampant today, seemingly out of control, and spreading throughout families and friends. In my own family, I've seen the devastation of this disease. It claimed the life of my grandfather, aunt, uncle, cousin, and my mom. Others have fought it and won - an aunt, sisters & myself.  I have a sister fighting a ten-year battle of breast cancer - she marches on, fighting it day-by-day.

If you've ever experienced cancer, you know the "what-if" surrounding you each day. You're happy with a good report from your doctor, but you do wonder at times when it might strike again. After being diagnosed, going through surgery & treatments, I went through a phase of "oh no - I have a pain - is it cancer?" I didn't voice my concerns, but inwardly it was present every day.

In 1806, as stated by Jefferson - he visualized the day future generations would know only by history the disease ever existed. In 1977, the last case of Small Pox was reported.

I pray for a cure, a vaccine, a pill - anything to stop the spread of the disease, and stop it from ever being heard of again. I envision the day, when "Cancer" is only heard of in history & there is vaccine to prevent it from ever appearing again.

3 Letter Word - SIN

We learn as we grow up about sin, about doing what's right & what's wrong & about the consequences if we choose wrong.  We watch the news, read the paper & see the results of wrong choices.  If you've ever watched COPS or any other reality police show, you see what happens to bad decisions.


Despite all we know, all we learn, all we witness, we continue to make bad choices.  It's hard to understand or explain when someone we know makes bad decisions.  The worse part is when it's televised & it seems the topic every where you turn.  The TV news, newspaper, dinner time talk, it's a constant reminder.


You hear familiar comments & statements like "oh man, I've known him forever - no way", "what?  are you kidding me?", "I won't believe it until I hear it from his own mouth", "if it's in the news, then it's true", and the time comes & you really do hear the truth from the individual, it makes it real.  But, then you have to process all what you hear, what you know to be the truth, and decide where you stand in your mind & heart for the individual. 


We're all sinners, we come in this world with sin - but the choices we make are of our own choosing.  When we make bad choices, we have to face the consequences.  When you're a public individual, you are out there for people to make rash statements & be on constant scrutiny of the public.  Make one wrong move & you're nailed to the wall.


I can't excuse or explain choices & decisions of others, but I have to search my own heart & mind and base my reasoning on the person I've known long before the media came into the situation.  When you sin, it causes a ripple effect among people - friends, family, and acquaintances.  Everyone takes on a part of it, you bear it as a friend, family member, co-worker, and you bear it being a part of a community.  Follow your heart, remember what you know, not what you hear, listen with your heart, seek understanding & give forgiveness.


"He that is among you with no sin, cast the first stone."  John 8:7


Personally, I know no one on this Earth without sin.  My Heavenly Father is sinless, I'll leave the judgment to him.

What makes a survivor?

Someone made a comment recently about something I had written on Facebook and commented I wrote like a survivor. So I decided to write "what makes a survivor?"

In life we're dealt situations, I prefer to call them challenges, and we learn through these circumstances, hopefully come out ahead and with experience. When I was growing up, the statistics for divorce was 1 out of 10. Now, 1 out of 2 marriages end in divorce. I've been divorced twice, so I guess I'm worse then the statistics in that regard. I survived divorced, survived raising my kids, and going through the trials and tribulations of dealing with cancer twice. I feel being strong in your beliefs, being firm in Christ, can get you through any situation in life and you come out a survivor by necessity.

A survivor is one that knows no matter what is going on around them - they have to keep going. People, whether friends or family, are depending on us to make it - to be all we can be - to do all we can do - and to prove to themselves and others, we can do it.

What makes a survivor? One that despite the pitfalls, the valleys, and the moments that seemed hopeless, they continually climb that mountain and know that once they reach the top, they've made it, they have survived can do anything. There's a song on the radio about the climb to the mountain. And in reality, that's what surviving is all about - it's about the climb, the obstacles you go through in life, and about reaching the top.

Surviving is knowing when you look in that mirror you know you are at the top of your game, you feel as though you can accomplish anything in life. Stay focused, stay strong, listen to your heart, and keep your eyes on Jesus and you can survive anything in this world.

When you're feeling down, feeling blue, feeling discouraged, just remember that in life we have challenges, and they will test us - but with God on your side - anything and everything is possible.

Living with Dementia

In life things will come at us that we have no control and/or no answers.  We face situations everyday in life, we plan our lives, and we map out our strategies as we plan our future.  There are times we hit dead end streets, road blocks and detours.  We have to roll with the flow, learn to carry emergency equipment (phone numbers of friends, Bible & even a passenger or two), as we learn we can’t do it on our own no matter how hard we try.  Life doesn’t give us guarantees, but it does give us a roadmap.

When you deal with a family member going through some major changes in life, it affects the entire family.  If its health related, it can take a toll on everyone.  There will be times you have to make decisions.  There are no right answers; there are only situations you have to come to grips with as you make decisions.  Not everyone is going to be pleased or satisfied, but you must do what you feel is best with the knowledge & information you have to present.

I worked as a Social Worker, dealing with advanced aging, Dementia and Alzheimer.  When you deal with people outside your family, it’s a different matter.  In dealing with a family member going through Dementia, your training & knowledge goes out the window.  You see a different side of it.  I’m learning a whole different process & learning there are things I didn’t know before.  You have to weigh the options, decide what’s best & go forward.

God and I are having many conversations daily, as I remind myself of what’s going on & what’s about to come about.  I don’t know if I can handle all that is coming my way, but I know God can.  So the days I feel overwhelmed & the days I really need answers fast, I know God is my refuge & I know God sends people into my life to be of assistance.  I just need to remind myself to let them assist, let them help & I need to remember I’m not alone in this world.

I’m human, I do have meltdowns, I do have days I question myself – I believe that’s normal.  There are days I don’t understand & days I feel I’m at a standstill.  I believe God never gives us more than we can handle.  As someone recently told me, they feel God must feel I’m really strong – I guess so, because I feel at times I’m at a tennis court practicing my swing & the balls are coming at me with record speed.  I pray I hit a few & pray I dodge a few & know that God is protecting me from the ones coming at me I don’t see.

Some of my favorite verses come from Psalms, I carried with me a list of scriptures when I was going through various testing for Cancer years ago & it gave me hope.

Psalms 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”

Psalms 62:8 “Trust in him at all times.  Pour out your heart before him.  God is a refuge for us.”

Go Play Awhile

When you're 9, you can't wait until your age becomes "double digits", then you can't wait until you finally turn a teen at 13. The days creep by as you wait for 16 to get your driver's license (was 15 back in my day), and then finally graduation at 17 & counting the days until you're in College! As the days go on and on, you can't wait for college graduation to get a job, live your life, have your own place, stay up as late as you want, party all you want, and be an adult and have no one tell you what to do / when to do / how to do it.

 Then you realize with that job comes a schedule, you have to be at work at a certain time, lunch is at a designated hour and you get off at the same time every day, five days a week, you go home stressed, tired & wondering is this what life is about. Then you meet the love of your life, get married, start having kids & you look back and say ... wow - where have the years gone.
Kids grow up, move out, some stay married, some divorce and one day you wake up and realize and there are days you wish you were still 9 with only chores to do, no bills to pay, no mortgage, no life situations, just living your life at 9. As a middle age adult, you have responsibilities you never imagined, whether it's carrying for an elderly parent, being a grandparent, and just dealing with daily situations and events of life.

 The things you know at 49 compared to 9, is as vast as the open sea. Your mind seems cluttered at times with all the details, appointments, and daily stress of just making it through the day. In my world, the things that can take all the craziness away is stopping & thanking God for my blessings in life, my health, my family & knowing that God promises us He'll never leave us or forsake us, he's in it for the long haul.

 I'm thankful for days with my grandchildren, they teach you humility, to return to the simple things of life - whether it's sitting on the steps & blowing bubbles, watching two squirrels play, picking up rocks & throwing them in the pond or even sitting in the grass and making a clover necklace.

 So the next time life seems overwhelming & out of control. Stop, thank God & go play awhile. Children are a reminder of how life should be, carefree, simple and trusting. Trust in the one who put is in this world; trust in His guidance and His love.

A Big Heart

The world lost a man Friday with a heart of gold.  I first met Ernie Cauthen when I was in high school.  He was married to his high school sweetheart, Glenda.  At that point in my life, I didn't realize what an impact this couple would have in my life & how 28 yrs later I'd be working with him.

We even took a church ski trip together & due to rough conditions, we rode on a toboggan while ski patrol skied us down the mountain at a breakneck speed.  I just remember holding on for my dear life & praying we would end up at the bottom of the mountain in one piece.  Our lives would intertwine over the years, as Ernie began work at my dad's elevator business.  Over the years, it was "Ernie can fix this, Ernie can do that, Ernie can come over & look at it, let me call Ernie, have you called Ernie & Ernie is on his way". 

He designed & built my kitchen almost 10 yrs ago. Some people asked, "Why are you letting him design it" and I replied, he's done this so many times - he knows what I need & how to build it.  He built it to last, built it to stay & built it right.

To even recall all he's done for my family, would entail writing a book.  The time's he fixed flats, fixed a leaking sink, fixed an outlet/wall switch, jumped a car off, helped paint rooms, helped remodel houses, worked extra hours, endless weekends, cut grass, swept, cleaned, the list can go on and on and on.  Two weeks ago my dryer quit, who did I call ?  Ernie of course.  He told me exactly what to check - I didn't believe it would make my dryer work - but it did.  There was a piece of string keeping the dryer door connecting to the latch & once I removed it - poof - magic - the dryer worked.

I'm going to miss hearing him come down the hall, teasingly ask me when my phone rings "Is that your latest boyfriend?  You know you can tell me - what's his name, what does he do, is he a Christian & does he treat you right". He always worried about me, worried that I'd meet another wrong one, & always wanted me to find a good one.  I know that if I could find a perfect guy - I'd want one like the Ernie I knew & loved.

Four years ago when my mom was in the hospital, Glenda & Ernie were right there.  They were at the hospital constantly, checking in on all of us, showing us love, support & doing so much for us.  When my mom was going to come home from the hospital, they were the first I called to ask if they could come help us get the house ready.   They came over to help clean, paint, & get the room ready.  They were there the next day when my mom left this earth for her heavenly home.  They were there at the house to receive guests, family, friends & to just be such steady rocks when our lives seemed to be at such a loss.  Whenever there was a loss or need, Glenda showed up with a basket of goodies & Ernie had the coolers full of ice & drinks.

Today at my dad's looking at all the destruction around us from the tornado, my dad said "I don't know what to do, but I know if Ernie was here - I could just call him & he would know what to do". That is so true & so many times today, I wished I could have dialed his #, heard his voice say "what can I do to help". He should have been called "Mr Fix It" because there wasn't much he couldn't fix or build.

We played cards together, laughed together, cried together, talked about old times, fun times, the good, the bad, all about life, kids, grandkids & work.  I'm glad for the all times we've shared, glad this past Thursday we chatted before he left the office for the last time.  He was excited as always, about going to Arkansas to visit his son, daughter-in-law & newest grandson.  I said as always, "have fun & take lots of pictures".  He said have a good weekend - see you on Monday.

When I say this man had a Big Heart - he was a Godly man, a man that didn't mind carrying his wife's packages or even her purse.  He enjoyed getting up on a cold winter morning - starting a fire in the fireplace for her, making her coffee & bringing it to her in bed.  He was about doing for others - more than for himself.  He was about laughter, he was about loving his kids / grandkids / especially his wife.  To know him was to know he was a dependable man, a man with a heart of gold, & a man with a love of God.

He's not a man that we can replace, not even at work.  He's not a man that liked to be idle, he liked doing.  But he did have one vice that he loved to do - he enjoyed solitaire & enjoyed coming into my office to tell me he had won the game.

Well ... the game for him in life on this earth has come to an end - I know heaven is celebrating with having him there & knowing my mom, she's already showed him all around.  They're sitting around - drinking coffee, swapping stories, showing pictures of the kids, grandkids, talking about work, listening to the big choir in heaven & enjoying their day.

Thank you God for sharing with us this man with a Big Heart, for letting us have him for a while & letting him touch our lives & hearts in such a strong & positive way.  "BIG E" - we're going to miss you so much - the world won't be the same, but we know you're okay & we'll be okay as well.  Thank you for being my friend, my big brother in Christ & for always being there.  We'll watch over your family, & we'll be there for them like you've always been there for us.

Hope for tomorrow

We all look to the events of the day to wonder how things will be tomorrow.  Sometimes the happiness of today carries over to the happiness of tomorrow.  Sadness has a way of entering our lives regardless of what is going on around us.

I remember the day of my mom's funeral.  I had taken my dog outside before going over to the church.  I was standing outside watching the cars past by, wondering where they were going, what they were thinking and if they were aware of things around them.  Everything had progressed so fast the last couple of days, that I felt I needed time to stop a moment so I could just catch up.  I needed that moment to just absorb all my thoughts and try to make sense of things in my life.

We hear of tragedies every day, loss of life, loss of property, countries at war, innocent people captured & killed, and we feel we need to try and make sense of it, understand it, and try to process it.  Life waits on no one, there is no way to make time stand still, there is no way to go back and "redo" an action or emotion, there is no way to stop things from happening.

I remember the moment my doctor told me I had cancer, I don't think I even processed it or took time to realize what that meant - I went into overdrive, thinking of all the things I needed to get done, and prepare others for it - instead of myself.  Surgery - check, treatments - check, follow up appointments - check, return to work - check.  Next?  The second time I had cancer it was different.  It felt as though I had been punched in the stomach, I wasn't prepared, wasn't ready & felt someone had forgotten to give me the script.  But, the same occurred.  Surgery - check, return to work pronto - check, treatments - check, and life continued.

I don't deny I was blessed, given a 2nd chance, given an opportunity to do better, be better & live better.  Have I done all of that?  At times I have, then there are times - I've failed.  There are times at night I have regrets, wishing I had said something different, done it different, lived it different and reacted differently.

I can't change the person I am, but I can change the way I react, the way I speak & the reactions I give to others.  There are times I admire people that seem to have it all together - all of the time.  Maybe they don't really and it's all a facade.  But maybe they do & they're the example of how the rest of us want to be or should be.  But I am me - that's why God made me - to be me.  Not to say I can't or shouldn't improve, but I am who I am.

I know you know the people I'm referring to - they have the seemingly perfect life, perfect kids, perfect house, perfect pets, & everything just seems so right.  Well, my life isn't perfect.  I have a crazy dog, I have a mean cat, my kids aren't perfect, I'm not perfect & my house isn't perfect.  I love my life - love my kids - love my pets and love the fact that each day - is a new day for hope.  Hope to do better, live better, be better & love more.

Is there hope for tomorrow?  I believe so - if we make the best of today, do more for each other, pray for one another and encourage one another.

Christmas

Where would life be without Christmas, memories of past experiences, family, traditions, stockings, and presents.  The things we take for granted at Christmas, remind us as we get older - how precious those moments are in life.  We wake up and realize yesterday is gone, traditions are forgotten, family has moved away or is no longer with us and we ache for those memories of the past.

The joy of a child on Christmas morning as they hurry to see what Santa has left.  Stockings overflowing with fun items, candy & fruit, packages under the tree, and on the couch or beside it, the real Santa gift.  As we grow older, the things we expect soon make us realize the Christmas joy we once felt is truly meant for those that are kids and/or kids at heart.

Don't lose the joy, the fun in giving, the thought in planning, and the true meaning of Christmas.  Spend it with friends and family and never take it for granted.  Merry Christmas to all.

Hello friend

I thought back to yesterday & wondered how you were doing. I wondered if you had noticed we had stopped communicating by phone or even email. It seems time has gone by, and we didn’t notice another day had passed without a hello.



I walked last night, felt the breeze on my face and wondered where you were & if you were okay. I wonder if you remember our long conversations, our laughter at my silly blonde moments & the antics of my crazy dog. I smile at times when I think of you, and I wonder where things went wrong. We drifted apart, and after a while, we just forgot to say hello.


Hello my friend, I hope all is well with you. I hope life is bringing to you all the desires & wishes of your heart. I hope at times you think of me with a smile & I’m glad we shared smiles, laughter & tears. Always know I’m your friend, no matter how much time passes us by.


If I see you on the street, I’ll say hello, if I pass you on the road, I’ll wave and smile, and if we email or text, I’ll respond and say hello. No matter the time limit, no matter the distance, there are some people that are friends forever. Thank you for being that friend.

Beaches vs Oil

I’m a beach person. I love the beach, listening to the waves crash, the smells, the vast open space of the water, and the beauty of the sunset as it hits the water. I love seafood – grilled shrimp, crab legs, lobster, etc. I see it as a thing of the past – who wants seafood drenched in oil?


I know I’ve been going on and on about this oil spill. But the beaches I love are in my southern states. I enjoy going to Orange Beach, San Destin, Pensacola, and Dauphin Island. I’m wondering how long it will be before these areas will ever be the same. Will wildlife recover? Marshes survive? Marine life survive? I don’t know, and I know no one else does as well. The news reports are saying it’s the worse oil spill in U.S. history and the sad thing is it’s not over.


Seeing the pictures of seagulls, hermit crabs and birds covered in oil, brings tears to my eyes. These creatures have no idea what is going on and why it’s happening to them. I’m sure they sense fear and are bewildered wondering why and how.


I don’t know what it’s going to take to fix this mess, stop it, clean it up, and make sure it NEVER happens again. Every group, every force we have, every environmental group, governmental group, needs to make sure there are laws, regulations, fines, etc enforced to make sure our beaches, waters, wildlife, marine life, etc is never in this position again. Preparedness – where was it?


I hope the other companies drilling for oil in our Gulf learn from this bad situation. Take preparedness action, take your job seriously, and make sure we never have this happen again. I don’t have the answers or the solutions; I just know the fallout of this spill will carry on for a long time.


I want to walk on the beach, feel the sand beneath my feet, the breeze on my face, white seagulls diving for fish, hermit crabs crawling on the beach, and the smells of the ocean without the burning sensation of oil all around me.

Fowl cries help...

I’m a bird in the vast sky – I fly from ocean to ocean seeking food. As I flew across the Gulf, I noticed so many fish lying on the top water. Eureka I thought, wow – fish everywhere waiting for me. As I dove down to grab a bite, I in turn was grabbed by a slick wet thick dark mass. I panicked as I tried to free myself, but to no avail. It was thick like glue and soon was stuck to my feathers. I cried out a warning to my friends above me, do not come near – the ocean is full of death.

I could see the shoreline in the distance and the waves carried me away. I struggled to free myself, but nothing could free me from this dark mass. I could hear people talking nearby and heard them say words of an oil spill. I didn’t know what it meant, but I knew the Gulf was not the same. As I drifted towards shore, I saw people looking with tears in their eyes. The thick mass had reached the shore, the sand glistened from the oil, the marshes were slowly dying, and you could see the destruction all around.

I don’t understand why someone would do this; it doesn’t make sense to me. I’m just a bird in a vast blue sky, but now I’m stuck in a dark mass of oil. Help me to understand, save me and my friends, fix the waters and fix my habitat, because this is MY home. I’m meant to fly, not drift in this dark mass – make my waters livable again.

Oil and water doesn't mix

I'm just a fish in a vast space - filled with water. Today as I swam, I noticed something different - something that felt strange & scary. I looked around me and noticed how it was affecting those swimming with me, they were having trouble breathing, and soon they floated to the top. I thought they were going to get a look at what was transpiring, but then I realized they weren't coming back.

What could it be? Who is doing this? And … why. I swam closer to the big objects in the water to see if I could find the answers. I heard people talking about an oil spill, I wasn’t sure what it meant but I knew it had to be the strange feeling. I heard them say it wouldn’t hurt the wild life, but I wondered if they had seen my friends floating nearby.

I hear talk of blame, I hear excuses, but it doesn’t change the feeling, it doesn’t bring back life, and I still see the dark ugly spill all around me.

I’m just a fish in a vast space, but this is my home these people have invaded, and it’s my home that’s being damaged. Do they care? Or is it okay to lose a few fish, a few birds, and other living creatures? It matters to me, this is my home – this is my vast space.

In preparing for seasons, we get ready. For summer, we make sure the air condition, the ceiling fans, and all areas of coolness are ready. For winter, we make sure we have fire wood; we make sure the heaters are ready to be turned on for the cold blistery days. For spring, we start getting ready for the upcoming summer months. There are still days we need the heat, and there are days we’ll need the AC. For the hurricane season, we prepare our evacuation routes, we buy bottled water, flashlights and all essentials needed to sustain us. During a tornado season, we ready ourselves and family by getting in a closet, having a radio tuned to the latest news and weather reports. To prepare us for an oil spill … where is the plan of action? What measures are taken and why isn’t there “OIL SPILL PREPAREDNESS MEETINGS”. It seems we have so many groups, so many plans, so many people – but no action of how to prevent such things, how to prepare for them, and how to stop them from happening.

We can’t always predict the weather, the path of a tornado or hurricane, but from past weather disasters, we’ve learned to be prepared, we’ve learned to be on top of our game and learned to take immediate action.

It’s time we learned from the weather. It’s time for a plan of action so they’ll be no more loss in the water. It’s time to take action. No more excuses – just get it done NOW.

The Sun & the Moon

As I was driving home tonight from a long trip, I thought about life & how it compared to the road I was traveling. If you've never driven on the Natchez Trace, then you've never experienced the amazing sights of nature and the solitude of the drive. I thought about life, events going on in my present world, and how the road reminded me of situations in my life. Traveling on the Trace there are no street lights, no stop signs, traffic lights, stores or gas stations. There’s nothing but trees, animals and at times just wide open spaces.

As I looked out my window, I could see the moon shining down on me and it made me think of God, and despite the time of day, He shines like the moon and the sun. He's always watching over us, guiding us, and lighting our way regardless of the road we're traveling.

Life has unexpected bumps in the road, unexpected turns, and even the occasional traffic jam. There are times as we enter a "curve" we have no idea what's around the bend. When we face a "hill", we don't know what's going to meet us on the other side; we just faithfully follow the road and observe all the obstacles around us. When there are herds of deer on the side of the road, I slow down wondering if one is going to jump out in front of me or even collide with the side of my car. There are things in life just like the deer, there are situations that force us to slow down, be observant, and cautious.

There are times when life is like a nice country drive, little or no traffic, animals are where they're suppose to be (out-of-sight), and there are no dangerous curves or steep hills to climb. Put the car on cruise; enjoy the scenery and just drive. We're at peace, all is well, and we can just reflect on the joys of life.

Then ... we come to road constructions, traffic piled up, people switching lanes, frustration all around us, and we're stuck waiting and wondering if we'll ever get to our destination. Life is just like this, there are events and situations that force us to slow down, force us to decide whether or not to move ahead or detour another way.

Regardless of our roads in life, God is forever shining down upon us as the Sun and as the Moon. He can see the distance, he knows the road, and he knows the outcome. All he asks is our faith, the kind of faith that can move a mountain, part a sea, and the faith in knowing he loves us unconditionally.

What separates us from God is sin. There may be days we can’t “see” the sun or the moon because the clouds seem to hide them. But just like God’s love, the sun and the moon are behind the clouds waiting for the clouds to move away. God is always waiting on us to seek him, to ask forgiveness, and to glorify his name. God doesn’t leave us even when we walk away from him; he continually loves us and watches over us.

The next time you travel remember God's love, his guiding light, and know that he's traveled these roads, protects us as we head to our destiny and he knows what road we need to travel in life. Regardless of what we encounter on our life road, God is with us always and forever.

Unconditional Love

As a child I heard many times about God's unconditional love. I was at church almost every day of the week, Sunday School, Worship Service, Choir Practice, Training Union and evening worship - that was just on Sunday. Wednesday nights meant potluck suppers, and prayer meeting to follow. Thursday nights were youth Bible Studies, Friday night - skate night, Saturday mornings - Bus Ministry, and Saturday nights - skate night again. I knew God loved us in spite of our actions.

Until I became a mother, I didn't fully grasp what Unconditional Love really meant. You love your child in spite of the terrible twos, the independent 3's, and the endless questions of "why" at age 4 and 5.

I remember an incident with my son when he was in the beginning stages of the terrible two's. We are at the grocery store and he wanted out of the shopping cart, and I gave in to his demands. Big mistake, he threw a fit - laid on the floor and I calmly walked over him and continued shopping. I was hoping no one was watching and no one knew it was my child. Within moments he jumped up and ran screaming after me, so much for me thinking no one noticed. It was about a year before I ventured back into that store. I figured my picture was posted with a sign stating "mom with uncontrollable child".

It seems all through the beginning of your child's life you're trying to get them to talk, to say "mama", "dada" and all the words to every animal and color. My daughter loved to talk, she would come home from day care and school hoarse from talking all day. There were times when I picked her up I'd drive home and have no recollection of any of the trip excepting arriving home. She had talked non-stop about EVERY thing that happened that day. I knew every incident with every child and everything that had transpired that day.

As our children grow up, enter the 10 almost 20 age, hit the teenage years where they know everything there is to know about everything in their world, they become different creatures. It seems at time that aliens have arrived on earth, either replacing our children or turning them into creatures we don't recognize or remember. Our thoughts go back to that happy, giggling baby and we reflect back on - what in the world happened?

As a divorced parent and raising two kids on my own, I reflect back to events and situations and wonder was it something I did? Am I to blame for this alien living in my house? This is where unconditional love comes into my mind and I know how God feels when we mess up, we walk away, and we ignore his words. He loves us in spite of the way we act, the way we talk, and the way we live.

God doesn't give up on us. There are times as parents all we can do is just love our children, and to let them go, let them make their own choices and decisions and trust in God to protect them and guide them. Even when dishing out tough love, our unconditional love continues.

If God had human form, I'm sure there would be many days he would have circles under his eyes, worry lines on his forehead, and feeling tired and drained. God promises us he will never leave us or forsake us. God gives us freedom of choice, freedom to choose right or wrong, and loves us unconditionally.

I pray for my children daily, to make the right choices, make good and smart decisions, and to seek God's guidance in all they do in life.

Unconditional love - a love that never stops, never gives up, and a love that is in spite of.

Season for change

It's the holiday season, Christmas parties, Christmas shows, Christmas events, and programs. We get wrapped up in the moment, in the festivities, and the hectic season. There's a commercial on tv where a child asks "what about baby Jesus?", he's watching his family run around getting ready for a party, cooking, cleaning, wrapping gifts, and he reminds them of what this time of year should be about in our lives. It's not about the presents, the parties, the travel, it's about Jesus, the true meaning of what Christmas is all about - the birth of Christ, and the beginning of hope again in the world.

Lately it seems everyone is wanting to do a search of their ancestors, to find out "where" the family originated, what area of the country and what race and nationality. I find it "strange" that as we go thru life, and after several generations we still have the same choices in filling out any form or document on race. I'm "white", my ancestors were Scottish-Irish and American Indian. I refer to myself as just an American of the Caucasian race. I wonder at times where people get the ideas or mindset that because a person is mixed, or half of one or the other, then they must "pick" what they are in this world. Back when my family obviously crossed the "race lines", did we become Indian or did we remain Scottish-Irish, or when we entered the new world of American, did we cease to exist from our former lands, and just become an American?

When do we, or do we ever just say we're Americans? Why does there have to be a distinction among us, we have American Indians, we have African Americans, Spanish Americans, etc. I understand the wanting to remember your heritage, but it seems there should come a time where you just say you're American. You came here for a reason, or were brought here for a reason, maybe it's time to just be an American. Maybe there needs to be more unity in this country, and less of people trying to be separate.

We live in a country where races do mix, where people marry other cultures, regardless of a person's choice to marry, people need to remember we're all created by God, in his image, and according to his purpose. We have a purpose in life, and God gave us free will to make choices in life - to choose good or evil, and based upon our choices - we still have to answer to God one day.

When we hear about choice - I think about life, I think about children. In my opinion (and I'm not into debating this issue - it's my choice of my opinion), birth begins at conception. Abortion is a choice, but it's not a choice I support. Too often I see people not accepting a child for being born out of wedlock and/or a child born from another race. Maybe if we all did a little family research and see where we "came from", then maybe we'd be more receptive and realize that once upon a time, someone excepted a family remember that "crossed over" the line we have created in our own minds.

In my Bible, and in my experiences, as well in the many times spent in church, I'm taught God is the one and only judge of what is, what will be, and what can be in this world. Maybe it's time we judged less, loved more, and remember the real reason for the season.

Make Memories

I love Fall, the leaves are starting to change, football has started, and it makes for good cuddling weather.

When I think of Fall, I think of our family vacation trips to Gatlinburg, TN, to Dollywood, and the numerous visits to Cracker Barrel. I think we visited every Cracker Barrel from Mississippi to Tennessee. My parents always wanted to leave late at night or early morning "thinking" my kids would sleep on the way - NOT. As soon as they loaded up in the van, they were ready to be there. My daughter went through a stage where she refused to get off of any roller coaster ride, the more daring, the more she loved it. She had no fear of rides, and loved the speed, turns and upside down motion and never screamed except when you forced her to get off.

My son was always fascinated by the Eagle shows at Dollywood. We happened to be there right before they were getting ready to release some Eagles out into the wild. I have a lot of memories from those trips, and am glad my kids were able to experience so much. If you've never experienced a family road trip, you need to do it at least once in your life.

If we didn't go to Tennessee for Thanksgiving, we spent Thanksgiving usually at my grandmother's. Every year my grandmother made homemade chicken and dumplings and lima beans. We would have turkey, dressing, and all the trimmings, but her chicken and dumplings beat anything. I miss the family gatherings, dinners on the ground, and spending time with family both near and afar. I miss the anticipation of visits, of the holidays, and I miss having all the family together. Seems life has taken us in different directions and in different areas of the states, lives are busy, too busy to take time out and spend moments making memories with each other.

Maybe we all need to take more time for each other, drop a note, make a phone call, and plan a trip to all be together. We can't undo yesterday, we're only promised today. There's a song that states we should live everyday like it's our last. Maybe we should remember that, what would we do if it were our last day? Would we spend time alone, spend time filling in all the minutes with those we love? Dance as though no one was watching? Be carefree? Love like no other? If we did it on our last day, why not do it everyday? Make memories ... spend time with family and friends and just enjoy having each moment with each other.